Back Pain, Not So Soon

another 12 days since last time I wrote about my back pain. It's not gone yet. I was able to stand, walk, but not sit. Today I could sit with difficulty, but still not cured yet.
The previous two times back pain problem, both were much worse, but soon after I was able to stand, pain was gone quickly, as matter of a few days. This time, though condition was not so deadly, recovering is very slow. My "diagnose" is too much toxic element stored inside my body. The vegs diet actually helped. However, I found massage helped the most.

A brief timeline:
09/05, the day the symptom started.
2 weeks later, I was able to got out of bed and walk. After that point, condition has been stayed the same for another 2 weeks, until I found vegs diet helped.

About to End

 25 days,  finally my back pain is about to be gone. I was able to bike to store, with minor difficulty. Also I have been able to walk 40 minutes each day since a few days ago. Still cannot sit.

Consequence

Well, it turned out I spoke too soon in my previous post. I said I was fine, but fact is, for 5 days after biking, I've been suffering from extremely muscle sore and weakness, feeling debilitated most of time. Today I realized this fatigue came from my weakened muscles.

For years my focus was on my heart, and I did mostly cardio exercises. After this "test" - the bike tour I mentioned in previous post, I found that my heart was certainly improved, but my muscle seemed much weaker than before. Of course I always knew I needed some muscle exercises but my heart problem always always seemed more urgent. It's good that I finally improved my heart, and now it's time to improve muscles!

So sick of this sickness!

I got crash again and i just started keeping canceling my classes. Haven't been like this for about half year! This journey of recovery is just long! However, I am still holding my hope tightly. I do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get well!

Another Crash!

Had another crash yesterday, one week after my previous one! But this one was just a backlash from the previous one, hopefully it will be gone within 24 hours. So far, this morning I feel pretty decent after a good sleep last night.

An Unexpected Crash

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had been having great time for months, during which I seldom had any serious crashes. That is to say, I still had some down times, but they were too trivial to mention. Last night I had something more serious that I feel like to put a few words on it.

I was invited by an old friend's husband to dinner. I was happy to go, thought it's time to have some social life. And I went, felt great at the beginning. But a little later I realized my energy was dropping down, and when I finally left, I felt my legs were extremely weak, almost gave way when I walked to my car. I drove back anyway, realized I was actually quite "dehydrated", so I drank a lot of water. Soon after my heart started beating violently, and I could absolutely do nothing but lie down in bed. I realized this was something I would call "crash", a relatively serious retreat during my overall excellent health progress.

I feel OK this morning when I woke up, recovered a lot, though still feeling the weakness. I found my condition still goes like a cycle: after going extremely well for a while, it would go down a bit. And if I were not careful enough during the period it went down, I got punished. Last night was an example of carelessness: I overdrew energy during my energy cycle went down. I suppose I would feel good again in matter of a couple days.

This is a warning that I am not yet ready for social life yet. Nonetheless, I had wonderful time with two handsome strangers (my friend's husband and step-son). This was something I had not done for ages, and I am pleased that I was still able to socialize with people.

Why Regarding Unknown Illnesses As "Mental Disease" Is Offensive

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Since most people take modern medicine as "absolute" (by saying that I mean, people believe modern medicine can take care of all physical illnesses, except fatal diseases like cancer), they easily consider the cause of unknown illnesses as "mental". This is why we often see people try to "encourage" those who suffer invisible diseases to work "harder", to push through, as if they are mentally weak individuals. I still remember once a kind lady's first words to me after hearing my brief story: " be tough." I have to say, not only this is a wrong approach, but also offensive attitude toward those patients. Why, because one of primary reasons these people got so sick is precisely because they are mentally tough - so tough that they overdrew their energy, and their illnesses are nothing but the consequence of their mental toughness (physical energy overdrawn).

Finally I Feel Bored!

English: A bored person (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My physical condition has been going upward quite amazingly since last fall. By far, I say I've reached a solid 90% of my energy level. What a achievement! However, recently, I found I often felt a bit empty and bored. Am I upset by that? No, because having been struggling with body health for so long, I know this is good sign, which means I am having EXTRA ENERGY.

During my past years lots of people believed that my physical health problems were caused by my "lonely life", or lack of activities. But the truth is, I had no time to feel lonely or bored during all the past years because I was so mentally fully occupied with my physical problems. Only starting from very recently, when I am physically feeling well, I start having this "luxurious" or "metaphysical" mental issue: feeling bored and occasionally even a bit lonely. Ironic, isn't it? And while I am feeling bored I also feel quite happy, by acknowledging that I am finally "normal" again!

How Much Have I done? A Lot!

These were what I've done today:
- Taught two classes, one in the morning, one in the afternoon.
- Walked about 35 minutes along trail after classes, and took lots of photos during walking, and occasionally jogging.
- Went to a brick center after walking to take pictures, wondering around there about 10 minutes.
- Edited lots of photos after I came home; ate dinner, took care of some minor kitchen work, and upload 16 images unto shutterstock (which took quite long time).
- about 15 minutes yoga stretch at night.

These are A LOT. Especially, considering the fact that two classes were enough to crash me during my past years.  I am quite pleased to say, I've reached a major milestone on the journey of my health recovery. I feel 100%. But since I don't feel like this everyday, overall I should say definitely that I am at (my own) 90% energy level.

My Absolute Obedience To My Body's Needs

I consider myself very spiritual. I used to almost completely ignore my physical needs, fatigue, pain, illness, etc., but, after paying a sky-high price for my ignorance, I become almost completely obedient to my physical part of myself, when to eat, sleep, rest, I act like a soldier following orders of general. Of course, this change took many years!

I wonder how many people really know how much we owe to our great physical conditions for our "noble" spirits. Most people take it for granted that we have some superior mental dignity which can exist independently from our physical existence, not aware of, or admit, that without our physical support, our spiritual beings could simply fall apart.

Of course, we saw many cases that one could be physically broken but still hold spirit high, but, based on my personally observation/experience, hardly anyone can sustain long term physical torture, either imposed on them by others human beings, or by illnesses. As matter of fact, I even think, arguably, that our high spirit after all, is nothing more than an "appearance" of something completely physical.

For quite a while, my physical condition has been soaring up, and the spiritual side of myself is also reviving. Though overall I am still a little more than 80% of myself, I know that I am on the right track - at least for myself: no longer hold my spiritual desires above my physical needs. Mind succumb to body, because health is everything, indeed!

What Have I Done Today? Another Milestone!

I consider today another milestone of my health progress.
Morning, I first drove to couple of garages nearby, quote the price of fixing my car. I also did some reading, and online discussion about my car problems. After lunch, I decided to do something by myself. So, I went to auto parts stores, bought seafoam and pour it into engine and gas tank. Then drove home, rest a little, then biked about 10 minutes. I still felt energy, so I decided to change spark plugs by myself. I drove to store again, bought parts, tools, and changed spark plugs by myself (with help of my neighbor, but at least I know how to do it completely!). So pretty much after lunch till 5pm, I had been in constant action. And during evening, so far (9pm) I didn't feel much tiredness.
This is something I have not done for I-don't-know-how-many years!

(On 09/17) "Punishment" does come today (actually since last night), but not too bad. All I need is rest a couple days.

Contradiction Between Body And Mind

My state of life (of all these years): a passionate mind trapped in a lifeless body!

A Retreat After A Giant Step Forward - My Body Says No To My Passion!

English: Sleeping cat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It seems I overdid again. Not sure how long this punishment would last, but certainly, it's not going to be just a few days, or a "minor step back", as I mentioned in my previous post.

I recently discovered my new passion: gardening. My front yard is getting beautiful. But it has been proven that gardening did more harm to me than good, even though I did not really "push" myself at all (only one of a few flowers a time!). I crashed again and again. My body simply says no to my passion!

Not only my health take one step back, my financial situation also suffers. Yes, I have to make very penny I spend, because doctors did not believe there is nothing wrong with me!

On the other hand, I have to focus on the fact that I had made the biggest improvement in recent 5 years. I need to be more patient, that's all.

Thinking carefully, these are the reasons I stumbled:
1. overly exercises. I did avaragely 3-5 times a week, which was fine first, but later after I increased the amount for each time, it was a little too much. Again, I wouldn't be able to tell how much was too much because when I was exercising, I felt fine.

2. The extreme humidity. For weeks we had extremely humid weather, it did not provide oxygen I needed when I exercised. So, I felt fatigue first, later on, symptom was triggered.

There are what I could think of now. Maybe there's more which I am not aware of. Well, what else I could do except going back living in my old "lifestyle" for a while.

Rough Weekend

Sunday (Photo credit: _bobi + bobi)

I had rough weekend. It seems my increasing exercise overworked my heart, and during the past weekend I had crashed (heart malfunction, my old "friend"). I had to cancel one of my Sunday classes. I almost decided to push through, because my money is getting tight, but finally I decided to rest, because I reckoned that losing money was still better than suffering.

I am still on the "uptrend" since February. I had total about 4 or 5 medium scale crashes total, which is not bad at all. All I need to do is be careful with exercise. Rest is still more important to me.

3 Hours In Heaven, 3 Days In Misery. Yet There Is HOPE!

morning (Photo credit: Wolfgang Staudt)

Last Monday, which was 7 days ago, I woke up and felt like in Heaven. I went to bank and grocery store, then stopped by a coffee shop for a couple of coffee (hazelnut flavor with french vanilla creamer). I did all of these during one trip, which was quite an achievement to me! I found I was able to smile to people with ease (yes, even smile was energy taking for me for many years) and driving home with a feeling almost could be described as "euphoria". After I got home I turned music loudly and danced like when I was 18!

It was a few hours in Heaven! Really.

About 11 o'clock I went into kitchen to cook my lunch, and found I need some tomatoes. "Sure, I will go get them." I heard myself saying that with confidence. So I rushed out again to grocery store. Just when I was about to be impressed by the fact that I could handle all these things without a bed break, I realized I was reaching the limit of my energy. On the way back from grocery store I "prayed" desperately that my improved condition could keep me stay away from another serious crash, which I hadn't had one for a while. Well, it didn't. My heart started malfunctioning (felt like lack of blood or oxygen) around 3pm and it got worse and lasted for whole 3 days! I did not feel better until Thursday evening (my Wednesday class cancelled). Fortunately, I felt better on Friday, and during whole weekend I felt decent and was able to keep all my weekend classes.

Today is Monday again. Good news is, I have been feeling quite "heavenly" again. This time I was more careful to not have "too many" physical activities.

Living with unknown chronic condition is like walking on the thin ice, you never know when the ice would break. But, despite all of these, I still found my condition has been improved a great deal during the recent 2 or 3 months, first by taking the herbs (beginning of August), soon by completely eliminating regular outdoor exercise (I do yoga stretch daily, which helps blood circulation excellently).

Looking back, since more than a year ago, gradually, I found most of my symptoms were gone: shortness of breathe (the worst), stomach disorder (not much better than the worst), back pain, arthritis, constipation (chronic, for over 3 years long!), and many more (yes, I was totally and chronically screwed!)! Now my heart condition (which was the root problem for all) is pretty much the only symptom that still attack me from time to time. However, during the absence of heart problem - which is still very serious, I definitely feel much more alive. I do hope, after this year - my snake year, my condition could be back to my own "norm", so I could start exercising (walking or biking) regularly. And if I could keep doing that for several month, I could have a "remanufactured" physical health condition!