Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The first blooming!

I sowed the seeds over a month ago finally see a flower blooming!

Monday, June 21, 2010

CFS - the biggest challenge in my life

Water confidence course.Image via Wikipedia


My biggest challenge in my life is my many years of chronic fatigue syndrome - it challenged me on almost every aspect of life: relationship, financial situation, and the most crucial one - my self confidence.

The real challenge for most CFS sufferers, I believe is NOT the seriousness of this disease (even though it is far more serious than people have imagined), but the TIME – the long term's "disable" condition.
We all in our life would have serious diseases once or even many times, but we all can more or less keep our hope as long as we know we would get well again, sooner or later. But keeping being ill for years (some of them basically have to live with it), it takes totally different mentality to keep the grips on hope.
Second to the time issue, another challenge CFS patients face is the mental loneliness. Partially misled by medical professionals, almost inevitably most people would take CFS sufferers as mentally depressing people, because not only CFS doesn't sound like a real name for disease, not only CFS sufferers don't look like ill people, but also CFS never has been considered as any actual physical diseases by medical institutions. So CFS patients eventually have to give up on people’s understanding - which they well deserve to have - and choose to live alone, because even the loneliness is better to deal with than being treated without respect.
These 2 reasons made me personally believe that the challenges that CFS patients face are greater than the challenges that many other people with more "serious" illnesses face, as long as their illnesses have "formal" names.

Under such challenge, I had big time doubt on myself because I used to be one of the most capable persons in dealing with challenges, but, for all these years I was inadequate for some very simple daily tasks.
The consequence was I found people's attitude changed - I was taken as a "negative" person by many friends, even loved ones, thus I had almost no any support.

Now, not physically completely recovered, I am in much better shape. Once I thought all these years was a big waste of life, but now I take it differently. I have learned something I might not learn had I not have such experience - I have changed the attitude toward myself. If the reason that I loved myself during early years of my life was (only) because I was considered bright and loved by OTHERS, the love I have to myself now is unconditional - I love myself however I am.


Yes, self-esteem is unconditional. Someone might understand this easily but it took me huge chunk of my life to get it. Well, it is still worth it.


Saturday, June 12, 2010

Physical vs. mental (again)

A sketch of the human brain imposed upon the p...Image via Wikipedia


It is my impression that many people over-state our mental power over physical condition, as if we human being really are only made spiritually. I might have agreed with this prior to my Chronic fatigue experience, but now I totally disagree with such subjective view.

Below is what one of my online friends said and it exactly matches what I have been thinking:
A physically healthy person can be either mentally healthy or unhealthy, but it's almost impossible for a physical unhealthy* person to be mentally healthy.

If we agree that physical part is the foundation of our whole existence, we would consequentially agree with this statement, and admit that physical part has more power to our mental part than the other way around.

I also have an impression that those whoever are physically healthy tend to believe that our physical unwellness are often caused by our mental problems, and whoever are physically unhealthy would easily accept the fact that mental unwellness in many cases are caused by our physical problems. I believe both views come from people's experiences so both are telling parts of truth. But to me it seems to be a problem here that most medical professionals can easily or willingly consider the first one as fact and role out, or at least do not pay enough attentions to the second one, especially when they face some unknown diseases.

Not only medical professionals, the theory of over stated mental power toward physical condition seems to be accepted universally as a "scientific truth" through some misleading medical and premature psychological studies. That's why CFS patients' suffering have been ignored not only by medical institutions but also ordinary people. CFS sufferers are not treated as physical patients but mentally frustrated/unhealthy people.

Forgive me for getting a little personal here again. I am very very tired and sick of this fact: whenever I mentioned I was physically not well (trust me, I prefer not to mention at all), people would look at me (just by look) and said: "You look fine. Don't just think you are ill." I promise, next time if someone say things like this again, I am ready to launch a tirade!

No doubt people can get so superstitious!


* "Physical unhealthy" here means those conditions that cause patients suffering. It does not include physical disability.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Sunday, June 6, 2010

June 6th, Day of visibility for CFS/ME Fibromyalgia, Lyme, POTS -UNITE!

The Doctor, by Sir Luke Fildes (1891)Image via Wikipedia


So many diseases or illnesses have NOT been recognized by modern medicine and "mental issue" is always the most convenient excuse for doctors to ignore both their ignorance and patients' suffering. Most these sufferers from these "invisible" diseases are not considered as patients thus they don't receive decent respects and compassion as they deserved. Mistreatment and misunderstanding, NOT their "depression" are the reasons for them to stay solitude.
Here is the quote from a fackbook page for today's event:
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Invisible Diseases are often thought of as just making people really tired. -If only that was the worst of it! You want to know what we are tired of?

~We are tired of the majority of medical doctors sending us home for depression!

~We are tired of being shunned from our friends and families!

~We are tired of waiting and waiting as we grow weaker and weaker!

~We are tired of this constant internal pain and suffering!

~We are tired of being humiliated!
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