I Canceled My Free Health Check Up And This Is Why

On past Friday, Coventry, my health care provider called me and made an appointment on past Monday, for a nurse's visit with equipments to check me up, for free. I agreed first then after a day's serious thought I canceled it. Why? Because I already knew what would be the outcome: everything is fine, even beautiful, bloody pressure, breath, heart rate, weight, height, etc..

Am I fine? I had two angina attacks during the past 3 weeks, the first one was severe, but only lasted hours, the second one was less severe, but lasted more than a day. So why didn't I go to hospital? because if I did, chances were "Mei He (aka Yun Yi) died from heart attack on the way to the ER". Hey, my reader friends, I am not kidding, because to ease my chest pain I needed completely rest, water, and good foods, and all of these were not likely provided by the heroic rescuing, by putting me on stretcher that undulates its way into ambulance which turbulently rushing into hospital. I would not die by heart attack, but I am sure I would die in that way during my heart attack. (I know not everybody would die like me because everyone's strength or resistance is different, and my resistance to such struggle is almost zero!)

Modern society is complicated cooperative system, that each of us take care different things (experts!). This is great because I learned that we humans are good team-workers and that's one of reasons we survived and prospered. But for personal health care, I doubt how much good this cooperation would do. I doubt how much good this marvellous and formidable edifice of modern medicine and health care would to do each individual, except making most people more and more dependent regarding their own health, more and more ignorant about how their own bodies work.

I think medicare system might be good for majority, because most of human beings do follow some certain principles. But I also have reason to believe, that as each individual becomes more and more unique, human race is becoming a more heterogeneous collection, which can be very hard to deal with by general principles, like what modern medicine has been doing.

During my past over 10 years of health struggle, I had been told by doctors again and again that I was perfectly fine, all my test reports were not only fine but fabulous, even when I was in extremely dreadful condition. So I quit seeing doctors, and put health in my own hand. Since then I've been making real progress, slowly, almost only discernible by myself (all people who know me pretty much give up the hope that I could be well). Indeed, without help, I paid tremendous price for each piece I found to solve this monstrous puzzle, but each piece I found is solid and without any "side effects". Early this year, I reached such a great condition that I even thought I was out of darkness "eventually", but I slipped unfortunately again over two month ago. However once again, I am on the way up, and I believe I will be in an even better place than previous time.
Am I really this confident? Yes, because my health care is completely in my own hands.

P.S. Having said all of this, I still objectively keep an option that is I would never be completely healthy again. But even that, I know is still a better condition than to give myself to medical profession.

So sick of this sickness!

I got crash again and i just started keeping canceling my classes. Haven't been like this for about half year! This journey of recovery is just long! However, I am still holding my hope tightly. I do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get well!

Another Crash!

Had another crash yesterday, one week after my previous one! But this one was just a backlash from the previous one, hopefully it will be gone within 24 hours. So far, this morning I feel pretty decent after a good sleep last night.

Recovered In One Week!

Well, I thought I would be recovered in a couple of days, but I was wrong. I recovered in almost a whole week! Still, it's good to get recovered, though my energy is not bad up to 90% yet.

An Unexpected Crash

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had been having great time for months, during which I seldom had any serious crashes. That is to say, I still had some down times, but they were too trivial to mention. Last night I had something more serious that I feel like to put a few words on it.

I was invited by an old friend's husband to dinner. I was happy to go, thought it's time to have some social life. And I went, felt great at the beginning. But a little later I realized my energy was dropping down, and when I finally left, I felt my legs were extremely weak, almost gave way when I walked to my car. I drove back anyway, realized I was actually quite "dehydrated", so I drank a lot of water. Soon after my heart started beating violently, and I could absolutely do nothing but lie down in bed. I realized this was something I would call "crash", a relatively serious retreat during my overall excellent health progress.

I feel OK this morning when I woke up, recovered a lot, though still feeling the weakness. I found my condition still goes like a cycle: after going extremely well for a while, it would go down a bit. And if I were not careful enough during the period it went down, I got punished. Last night was an example of carelessness: I overdrew energy during my energy cycle went down. I suppose I would feel good again in matter of a couple days.

This is a warning that I am not yet ready for social life yet. Nonetheless, I had wonderful time with two handsome strangers (my friend's husband and step-son). This was something I had not done for ages, and I am pleased that I was still able to socialize with people.

Why Regarding Unknown Illnesses As "Mental Disease" Is Offensive

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Since most people take modern medicine as "absolute" (by saying that I mean, people believe modern medicine can take care of all physical illnesses, except fatal diseases like cancer), they easily consider the cause of unknown illnesses as "mental". This is why we often see people try to "encourage" those who suffer invisible diseases to work "harder", to push through, as if they are mentally weak individuals. I still remember once a kind lady's first words to me after hearing my brief story: " be tough." I have to say, not only this is a wrong approach, but also offensive attitude toward those patients. Why, because one of primary reasons these people got so sick is precisely because they are mentally tough - so tough that they overdrew their energy, and their illnesses are nothing but the consequence of their mental toughness (physical energy overdrawn).

Finally I Feel Bored!

English: A bored person (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My physical condition has been going upward quite amazingly since last fall. By far, I say I've reached a solid 90% of my energy level. What a achievement! However, recently, I found I often felt a bit empty and bored. Am I upset by that? No, because having been struggling with body health for so long, I know this is good sign, which means I am having EXTRA ENERGY.

During my past years lots of people believed that my physical health problems were caused by my "lonely life", or lack of activities. But the truth is, I had no time to feel lonely or bored during all the past years because I was so mentally fully occupied with my physical problems. Only starting from very recently, when I am physically feeling well, I start having this "luxurious" or "metaphysical" mental issue: feeling bored and occasionally even a bit lonely. Ironic, isn't it? And while I am feeling bored I also feel quite happy, by acknowledging that I am finally "normal" again!

How Much Have I done? A Lot!

These were what I've done today:
- Taught two classes, one in the morning, one in the afternoon.
- Walked about 35 minutes along trail after classes, and took lots of photos during walking, and occasionally jogging.
- Went to a brick center after walking to take pictures, wondering around there about 10 minutes.
- Edited lots of photos after I came home; ate dinner, took care of some minor kitchen work, and upload 16 images unto shutterstock (which took quite long time).
- about 15 minutes yoga stretch at night.

These are A LOT. Especially, considering the fact that two classes were enough to crash me during my past years.  I am quite pleased to say, I've reached a major milestone on the journey of my health recovery. I feel 100%. But since I don't feel like this everyday, overall I should say definitely that I am at (my own) 90% energy level.

85% But Feels Like 90%!

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Just coming back from 45 minutes walk! It's been amazing! I should not claim that I've recovered 100%, but I am getting close to it bit by bit, steadfastly!

My energy level was lifted up from 60% to 80% since October last year, right after I started to take Padma Basic. For all these 4 and half months, I only had a few minor crashes, which ended in several hours, or maximum one day. Overall, not only I can handle all my daily routine with ease, I also don't get much problems after my weekend classes. I have to give credit to Padma, I believe it provides me so much nutrition that I could not get from diet alone (I am a lousy cook!).

Now, I believe my energy level just reaches 85%, hopefully sometime in this year, I will be at 100% of myself again. And don't forget, my goal is 110% or 120%, because my 100% is not the same as 100% of normal health standard.

Anyway, despite of several symptoms I still have, I do feel my life is on the way back to me!