My Absolute Obedience To My Body's Needs

I consider myself very spiritual. I used to almost completely ignore my physical needs, fatigue, pain, illness, etc., but, after paying a sky-high price for my ignorance, I become almost completely obedient to my physical part of myself, when to eat, sleep, rest, I act like a soldier following orders of general. Of course, this change took many years!

I wonder how many people really know how much we owe to our great physical conditions for our "noble" spirits. Most people take it for granted that we have some superior mental dignity which can exist independently from our physical existence, not aware of, or admit, that without our physical support, our spiritual beings could simply fall apart.

Of course, we saw many cases that one could be physically broken but still hold spirit high, but, based on my personally observation/experience, hardly anyone can sustain long term physical torture, either imposed on them by others human beings, or by illnesses. As matter of fact, I even think, arguably, that our high spirit after all, is nothing more than an "appearance" of something completely physical.

For quite a while, my physical condition has been soaring up, and the spiritual side of myself is also reviving. Though overall I am still a little more than 80% of myself, I know that I am on the right track - at least for myself: no longer hold my spiritual desires above my physical needs. Mind succumb to body, because health is everything, indeed!

Is It Placebo Effect?

In a Chinese forum I was asked how I was sure that the effectiveness of Padma Basic (along with several other herbs I mentioned) on me was not placebo effect. My answer was simple: I was skeptical from the beginning.

I don't have a lot of knowledge about placebo effect, but I suppose it has to be based upon patients' belief in treatments. I was ill for years and I had been disbelieving - or at least doubt - all medicines and herbs, and put all my hope almost completely on diet and rest. I did very good job on this account because in more than 2 years I was recovered up to 70% (from 30%!). But I found diet alone was not enough (I am a lousy cook and the last place I like to stay is kitchen), so I decided to open up my mind again, started to take several herbs since last summer. "Magically" I found tangible positive effects of a few herbs which I tried years ago but did not find them effective (Later I realized the reason that the herbs did not work years ago was because I was in such serious trouble that only diet could help). This time, an online friend recommended this Padma Basic to me, I decided to try because I found after a full year effort on diet and herbs, my health condition was still stuck on 70-80% level. The result is absolutely stunning: I found I was able to do things that I could not do for more than 5 years!

Having said all of these, I still believe in lifestyle is the most crucial. I would doubt that Padma Basic would work the same way like this if I took it 5 years ago. But you never know until you try!

Padma Basic - Panacea?

It's been a full month since I took Padma Basic, and my health condition completely changed. This is quite amazing, as I believe more in lifestyle than just one single remedy.

Prior to my taking this product, my health condition was overall up to 70%, and my root problem - shortness breath still occurred frequently, especially after I taught classes, when I had to talk a lot. Padma Basic seemed to stop this problem almost "right away". Not only that, my overall condition has been elevated to a brand new level (up to 90% without any crash).

Padma is supposed to be effective for cardiovascular problem. I am certain benefited from that, as heart problem has been my number one "foe" for all these years. However, it seems that what Padma does to me the most is "balancing". I eat the same foods, do the same amount of work, but my energy increased. Where does it (my energy) come from? "A balanced system", that's my answer. Padma helps my body to put all the unconnected "pieces" together, so my body works more effectively. As matter of fact, after taking Padma, when I went to sleep at nights, I literally felt a harmony/peace that I had not felt for ages.

I've tried many herbs since last year summer, most of them worked well in different way, but comparing to Padma, they seems to be more or less temporary and partial. As the friend how recommended Padma to me said, there is no panacea, but if there is one, Padma is the closest we can get.

Many times during past years I have said I was up to 80% and on the way to fully recover, but soon I was proven wrong. This time, I have reasons to believe it is true.

As a "lifestyle believer", I will still keep focusing on my daily routine - foods, sleep and exercise. I believe no matter how effective Padma is, it won't work as well without good lifestyle. Health progress is a combined effort, that's what I still believe.

I still have lots of problems, but after being sick for so long, I learned to be patient. :-)

Health Chart

Just created this health chart by using google spreadsheet! It shows my health level (or energy level) since my teenage years. Thing is, I've never been truly healthy since 14, and started having serious trouble after I reached 30 (the year I came to this country), and most years of 40s were definitely in the lowest pit. 

Now, I may not be ambitious/greedy to reach 120%, but my realistic goal is to reach 110% in near future!

Padma Basic

It works for me!
The date I started to take was 09/27/2014.

What Have I Done Today? Another Milestone!

I consider today another milestone of my health progress.
Morning, I first drove to couple of garages nearby, quote the price of fixing my car. I also did some reading, and online discussion about my car problems. After lunch, I decided to do something by myself. So, I went to auto parts stores, bought seafoam and pour it into engine and gas tank. Then drove home, rest a little, then biked about 10 minutes. I still felt energy, so I decided to change spark plugs by myself. I drove to store again, bought parts, tools, and changed spark plugs by myself (with help of my neighbor, but at least I know how to do it completely!). So pretty much after lunch till 5pm, I had been in constant action. And during evening, so far (9pm) I didn't feel much tiredness.
This is something I have not done for I-don't-know-how-many years!

(On 09/17) "Punishment" does come today (actually since last night), but not too bad. All I need is rest a couple days.

Do I Deserve Help? My Pride And My disappointment

Help me! (Photo credit: mariateresa toledo)

During my relapse I am extremely debilitated so I often need help. But, I am living alone, also I happened to be a person who never learned how to ask help. What's worse, I am a person who doesn't look like need help. My relatively strong body build, my absolutely decisive countenance, my firm stride as long as my health permit me to be vertical, all these qualities make girls want to depend on me, guys want to leave me alone. This, also is why I better live alone during my chronic condition.

I have been in major relapse since June, and just started recovering since recent several days. This morning I feel almost perfect so I wanted to move several gardening stones (small size like football!) back to my backyard. Trust me, this is far less than a piece of cake for anyone in normal health condition, but for me, it is a serious task, so serious that I planned to do but have not touched it for days due to the fact that it might trigger another crash, which also could cause the cancellation of my weekend classes, on which my current income depends. Anyhow this morning I felt I could do it, at least I could do part of it. I also had my strategy, first to put several stones in my small dolly and push them to backyard. Plus, the fresh morning air was tempting, so I put myself in action.

Right after I put about 5 stones into my dolly, I realized that I was again overestimated my strength. Half way to my backyard there is a small slope, and I realized that if I "pushed" myself to pull the dolly up, I might have big trouble following up, and my weekend classes will be again jeopardized . So I decided to stop right there no matter what. But my dolly was right in the middle of lawn, between my house and my neighbor's. Just as I was wondering what to do, I saw a guy was knocking my neighbor's door, so I asked him if he could help me because I had heart problem. Since I was already breathless, my voice was extremely weak. He looked at me and said: I too have heart problem. And he lifted his shirt to show the scar on his front chest. So I immediately said never mind.

What happened the rest was that I struggled to move the stones one by one to my "territory", which is only a couple yards away from the dolly, then I took the dolly back to my backyard, and after that I immediately went back and lied down for a little while, let my heart back to normal function. So far, I don't feel big trouble but, I already could not cook lunch as I planned. I decide to boil some dumplings instead, because it costs almost no energy at all.

Thing is, I believe that guy could help me. Though he does have scar on his chest, but from his attitude, his loud voice, his brisk stride, I can hardly believe that he could not handle what I asked. Why didn't he offer me help? I don't know exactly, but based on my past experience, I have reason to believe it was because I did not convince him that I needed help. As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I happen to have a relatively big build, don't look fragile, so I generally give people an impression that I am a strong person. During my past years, I just cannot count how many times I had to handle things I was actually not able to handle, and caused my crashes sometime relapse for days or weeks, and these disasters could be avoided only if people knew how serious my health trouble was so they could give me a hand. But I am very proud person, I would rather die than having people pity me, or misjudge me. Thinking that people would take my weakness and my asking for help as "mentally weak" would simple kill me. Truth is, this character of mine certainly contribute its huge share on worsening my health problems.

Of course, after lessons and lessons, I have learned that I need to take it easy on how people think of me. It doesn't matter. I also should learn to be responsible to my body, my health. It's the only thing my life rely on. If I need help, I may should just ask. As one of my blogger friends said, asking help is being responsible to yourself.

On the other hand, I can't help but feel so disappointed about some of our fellow human beings. The selfishness, the distrusting each other, and many more negative aspects of human nature, just darken my view on life. And sometime, I just cannot help to have such a strong sense about myself, that this earth is not for me, simply because I am too good to be here.

Call me cynic!

Time Line Of Chinese Herbs Taking

8/2013，黄芪水（红枣，党参）,effective；
10/2013，补中益气丸，effective；
02/2014，姜汤（红枣，黄芪），extremely effective；
07/2014，十全大补丸。

How Much We Know Ourselves By Science

Old Chinese medical chart on acupuncture meridians (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In her book "The fate of Chinese medicine" (temporary translation of 问中医几度秋凉), Ai Ning told the story of her father, who was doctor also a "die hard" believer of science and modern medicine. He got some disease when he was 60 year-old and did not get help from modern medicine. Out of desperation, he accepted treatment of Chinese medicine and he was "magically" cured. So his mind was in great confusion because he thought by theory he knew exactly what's wrong and believed that he should have cured by "science". After this experience, he gave up fighting against Chinese medicine. In conclusion, Author said this:

"If in this world we only had one medicine theory (implies modern medicine), he (father) would die without regret. But ironically, Chinese medicine let him lived with perplexity."

Contradiction Between Body And Mind

My state of life (of all these years): a passionate mind trapped in a lifeless body!

A Retreat After A Giant Step Forward - My Body Says No To My Passion!

English: Sleeping cat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It seems I overdid again. Not sure how long this punishment would last, but certainly, it's not going to be just a few days, or a "minor step back", as I mentioned in my previous post.

I recently discovered my new passion: gardening. My front yard is getting beautiful. But it has been proven that gardening did more harm to me than good, even though I did not really "push" myself at all (only one of a few flowers a time!). I crashed again and again. My body simply says no to my passion!

Not only my health take one step back, my financial situation also suffers. Yes, I have to make very penny I spend, because doctors did not believe there is nothing wrong with me!

On the other hand, I have to focus on the fact that I had made the biggest improvement in recent 5 years. I need to be more patient, that's all.

Thinking carefully, these are the reasons I stumbled:
1. overly exercises. I did avaragely 3-5 times a week, which was fine first, but later after I increased the amount for each time, it was a little too much. Again, I wouldn't be able to tell how much was too much because when I was exercising, I felt fine.

2. The extreme humidity. For weeks we had extremely humid weather, it did not provide oxygen I needed when I exercised. So, I felt fatigue first, later on, symptom was triggered.

There are what I could think of now. Maybe there's more which I am not aware of. Well, what else I could do except going back living in my old "lifestyle" for a while.

A Minor Step Back

I hope it's just a "minor" step back. I had crash since last weekend. After two days rest, I was feeling good again, but, yesterday, gardening work seemed to be just a "little" too much, my heart is giving me trouble today again.
I already canceled my evening class. Hope I can be better tomorrow so I could hold my classes as usual. If not, it's OK too. I will NOT push myself again.

Rough Weekend

Sunday (Photo credit: _bobi + bobi)

I had rough weekend. It seems my increasing exercise overworked my heart, and during the past weekend I had crashed (heart malfunction, my old "friend"). I had to cancel one of my Sunday classes. I almost decided to push through, because my money is getting tight, but finally I decided to rest, because I reckoned that losing money was still better than suffering.

I am still on the "uptrend" since February. I had total about 4 or 5 medium scale crashes total, which is not bad at all. All I need to do is be careful with exercise. Rest is still more important to me.